BWE - Christelyn, STFU...

I'm pissed right now, Beyond Pissed. I wanted my return to posting on my blog to be lighthearted, maybe brag about some weight I lost, tell a few jokes..... Sorry, next time, tonight have to jump in someone's behind.

Let me start out by telling you what BWE (Black Women's Empowerment) and the women that started it all mean to me. I'm also going to tell you what BWE aint.. (pardon my speech and my language, but I'm tired, I'm pissed and I have no more f*%'s to give about what anyone thinks right now) .

BWE was started a few years ago, I discovered this wonderful movement in 2007. Looking for information - ANY information - about IR dating and black women that didn't automatically bring up porn, I stumbled upon Evia's blog. She was the first person that actually put into print what I had known for some time, but was too entrenched in "being black" to see - "It's your life, live it the way you want, be who you want to be with, you are not beholden to anyone or any community!!" She posted pics of Black women - both celebrities and ordinary women like me - "Living Well", enjoying life, finding love, and often described her own great life of "passing as black"... Honestly, it was too much to take in, and I visited often. Thru her blog, I linked to Halima, Khadija, Aimee, Sara, C1 , Pioneer Valley, Faith, Gina, Cher - and I met and commented with women that like me, were so grateful that the Truth was finally being told. Some truths were ugly - it isn't the greatest thing growing up Black and female if you aren't schooled properly - and yes, there were disagreements from time to time. But the message was clear - Black Women first, her needs, her image, her future. The movement spurred me to partner up with a fitness blogger, Tamika from Sweet Potato Pie, and write about a fantasy of mine that I wanted to come true - losing weight. Evia linked us, and for two years off and on, we had a lot of laughs.

The women, the founders, the "Queens" of BWE - they weren't cut and paste people. They took time out of their lives to write what I would consider novels - detailed information on how BW were being screwed over, how to spot and get rid of negative influences, the importance of being Global, how to Think Critically and stay of of the box. How to know your worth as a Black woman, even if no one else did. How not to be invisible. I loved every moment of it. It was a think tank of ideas, questions - we were being reborn. I was anyway.

These women put their very safety on the line for us....a few times, some had to leave because trolls got too close, information was being leaked. But they always came back, stronger, because they believed that the message was worth the effort and hassle. And it was....and it still is.

I'm ashamed to say this, but when BWE writer's talk about folks that visited their sites, took what they needed, and skipped on their merry way, they were talking about me. Yes, I'm a BWE gleaner; I've made so many improvements to myself in the last few years because of their teachings. If you put a price on it, I got literally THOUSANDS of dollars worth of self help for free. BWE is the reason I have lost over 100 lbs. It's the reason I have a business. It's the reason I run races. It's the reason I've let go of everything that didn't have my best interest at heart, while holding close to me everything that did. And there is not a day that goes by that I don't run into a situation that sends me back to their teachings, books, friendship, etc.

This is no excuse - but blogging is hard work. It takes time, it saps you of energy (what to write, fighting the trolls, putting out fires) and frankly, I was busy living empowered. My deepest apologies to all - especially Khadija - but also, a heartfelt thank you....

BWE is a social movement geared for the advancement and the empowerment of Black women and girls. Simple, yet some folks can't understand or fathom such a thing. It is BLACK WOMEN FIRST. Having a white husband or IR relationship does not automatically make you BWE. BWE does not "compromise" with folks that would rather see black women stay in Mammy-mode , second fiddle positions. BWE does not back down, or kowtow to any DBR person's nonsense, there is no middle ground with those who would do BW harm. Very few bw "get it", that freedom is just a matter of walking away; they'd rather stay in suffering mode, fret about hair, skin and Ray Ray. But..once you do get it, it is liberating....

Which brings me to the point of all of this - Ms. Christelyn! Looks like you've been busy these last couple of days, trying to drag down BWE to cover up your stupid mistake. Aint gonna happen dear....you f*&$'d up, royally, and it may seem like you've won now, but Karma always bites you in ass.

You've been crying about being persecuted for seeing "a damn movie" (Red Tails) and you should have the right to make up your own mind and BWE is picking on poor little you, stop it you bullies!!! But what you are failing to mention is that you jumped on the "Don't go see RedTails" bandwagon when it hit, complete with outraged posts and a video urging BW to let Hollywood know about how they feel about being erased. You were all gung ho, hell no we won't go! So, what happens that next day, the very next day after the opening? You post that not only did you go see the damn movie, but you gave it a GLOWING review!! And then threw in some bs about "I had to go see it for Grampapa" OOOkayyy....whatever. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS NOT SEE A MOVIE. Or, if you just had to see it, be slick and smart enough not to post that you did.

Listen, you can do what you want personally. It's a free country, it's your nine dollars, have at it. But when you put yourself in a position of leadership, when you purport to be down for a cause, and rub shoulder to shoulder in yep yep agreement with others in that same movement, and you flip flop on it, well, that's gonna be cause for scrutiny. When Halima and others posted , they weren't picking on you (they didn't even mention your name), they were clarifying what BWE and those that follow it stand for. When you are in a social movement, solidarity is important . If you cant even stand on something as simple as not seeing a movie, what else will you drop the ball on? And then, Blogher picks up your story, and titles it in a way that says "Hey, this black woman went and saw the movie, cant be that bad" ! So, in a couple of keystrokes, you managed to make the women that were serious about being erased from the damn movie look like a bunch of complaining fools with no real base to their argument. Thanks.....

I was willing to overlook all of that, figuring that you would chalk it up to experience and move on - but no, you couldn't do that. You needed validation , so you posted a series of temper tantrums about how life was just so unfair when folks call you out for screwing them over. For all your ranting about what you've done for BWE, almost none of your commenters seemed to know what it was. Your minions - who I will henceforth refer to as Mouthbreathers, because they serve no purpose but to take up space and suck all the air out of the room with their cluelessness and ass kissing - weren't enough to make you feel better, so you posted personal emails between Evia, Khadija and yourself, announcing your departure. Even tho I'm sure that you meant for these private messages to damage the images of these women, the emails only made you look stupid and unbalanced. Even more so , considering that this is the second time you've pulled this. And even more hiliarious, because both women told you, again, to F&*% off.....listen to them this time....

So, you are leaving BWE....okay.. I wish you luck, you are a great PR person, you are a go getter, you make things happen for yourself, your blog is entertaining.. make that money, I have no problem with that. But unfortunately, you are boo'd up with too many people that don't have BW's best interest at heart, from your tech folks, to the DBR men and women that you insist on giving a voice to degrade us. That's not what BWE is founded on, and these women have worked too hard , helped too many BW and made way too much progress to start sliding back now. You are not the first to walk away, but like the others, you'll be back as soon as things get good for BW, talmbout "oooh look what WE did!" Believe me, I've seen it before...

.....and the Ants will smile, say nothing, and go on about their work...

Reality Check Time....

I posted this as a guest blogger on Christelyn's great blog Beyond Black and White - as soon as I figure out how to link, I will, but please visit her blog! It is as entertaining and informative as she is!!


Weight is a sore, almost taboo subject with black women. Being fat for black women isn’t the death knell that it can be for women of other races. Black women wear our extra pounds proudly, show them off in the finest clothes, bind it up in expensive girdles, and shake it like nobody’s business on the dance floor. We use words like “thick”, “healthy” “meat on dem bones”. We have made fat the norm - from Monique, to Gabby, to Madea, and that Pine Sol Chick – more often than not, a black woman in the media eye is usually overweight. And it doesn’t seem like anyone is questioning or challenging this…


Everything – funerals, weddings, graduations, ground hog day, days ending with a ‘y’ – is celebrated with food. Food comforts us when no one else will. It’s our drug, dulling the pain caused by a world indifferent to our needs and wants. And it is killing us.

Since last Friday, three women that I know have passed on. No, I’m not use the nice words for this – three women – two good friends of my mother’s and one brilliant caring friend of mine – ARE DEAD. Way before their time. My friend - a nurse, a mother,and a comedian that could make a statue laugh – had a heart attack sitting in her car. She was on her way home from work. They found her the next morning. DEAD. She was a big woman: she would always tell me that one day she was going to join me on my walks. Like me, she had diabetes and high blood pressure. Like me, she ignored the signs of trouble – failing eyesight, tiredness, aching limbs, headaches – put her cares in the “hands of Jesus”, and kept right on eating. Eating. She would get upset when you got on her about her food choices. Or about how her weight fluctuations were affecting her hormones – she was getting the rash on her neck and damn near growing a beard.. “Ain’t nobody’s business but mine”….. She was 43. She had two kids. She had a husband. Now her business is their business – they have to bury her, and go on without her.

My mom’s friends were sisters – Mary and Deb (not their real names). Mary was her close friend – she died last Monday, after being in the hospital for over four months. Diabetes had taken it’s toll on her – both of the legs had to be removed at the knee. Her heart, which wasn’t the greatest anyway, was weak from damage. She spent four months suffering in between morphine shots. My mom visited her as often as she could, and everytime she would come away from the hospital, haunted by Mary’s constant high pitched whine. Finally, mercifully, after enduring bed sores, phantom pains, and a body that refused to heal, she closed her eyes forever. She was 60. Large and in charge, first one down, last one up from the table. A woman that didn’t know a stranger, and could love anyone – gone. DEAD.

Her sister Deb, tried too late to reverse the damage that being seriously overweight had done. She had emergency surgery - bariatric bypass surgery. She lost over 100 pounds in a six month period, but because of complications from her illnesses, the surgery never healed quite right and she caught an infection. She died this morning. Three doors down from where her sister was. I remember the last time I saw her before her surgery , we were at a church function. She had a problem with the circulation in her legs so she had to use a walker to get around. I remember her using her walker to get down a flight of stairs, hobble over to a table, and have her nieces get her a plate. They went back twice for her. I remember her smile, how she would say the fastest Grace (‘Jesus wept’) and how she had to take breaths almost after every sentence that she spoke. She could sing Mahalia under the carpet…. Now she’s gone….she was 57.

Is it worth it ladies (and gents)? I know that most of us aren’t at that level yet. But we all know folks that are – more than a few. At what point do we decide that we had better start backing up before we crash? When do we see that Thick is turning into Morbidly (which means Death is a comin) Obese? When do we stop glossing over the fact that our daughters are being passed over, not because of hair or skin, but because, at 15, she is well over 100 pounds overweight. This story – we all can tell it about someone we knew. Or we will be able to tell it… When do we take the blinders off?

The BWE movement has opened our eyes to many things about ourselves that we didn’t want to see – OOW rates, 70% or higher unmarried BW, the mammyfication , entrapment and self-enslavement – but little by little, we are changing. Mending. Growing. I’m hoping that it doesn’t take yet another epidemic of black women dying off to seriously address and conquer this issue.

Girls need their Daddies too...

Hello All!!

This is me and my Dad at my eighth grade graduation. I chose this picture, and this time frame (the Seventies! Groovy) because it was at this age that I realized the importance of my having a Dad.

My earliest memories of him was sitting on his lap and singing "our song":

Daddy: "I loooooove....."

Me: "Daddy!!!"

Daddy: "My good ole sweet......"

Me: "DADDY!!!"

This drove my mom nuts, which is the main reason we sang this song. We still sing it today...

By the time the above picture was taken my Daddy taught me:

How to BBQ anything - hence the reason I write a weight loss blog...

How to plaster, patch and repaint a wall - don't ask....

How to replace a kitchen and a bathroom sink..

How to lay carpet..

How to fight - not that windmill stuff, the hook-jab-cross-BAM-lay-a-nigga- out-fighting

How to fish and hunt and shoot...

How to change a tire , the oil and filters, and most belts in my car...

Basically, I think that he wanted his eldest to be a boy( I have two younger bros), but since that didn't happen, and I sure as hell wasn't going to be left out of anything, he went right along with the program. My bros and I still argue about who is the most spoiled out of us - the girl, the baby, or the Marine. But we all know who's little diamond encrusted pinkie our Dad is wrapped around. To this day, all I have to do is look like I need something....it's there.

My dad did realize that he had a girl tho....and while Mom was teaching me social graces and the importance of waiting for the right guy ("You get pregnant, the streets will be your new home"), Dad was making sure that no one got out of line with his little girl. If he didn't know your "people", sorry! If your "people" weren't quite right - nope!

If you came over looking anything less like a gentlemen (no braids, no afro with a hat in the middle) you got your feelings hurt. Bad - my father made up the Dirty Dozens...

And you did not mess with the Princess. Only two have tried - between the ass-whoopin by me, then my bros, then (the piece de resistance!) the quiet but effective threat by Daddy, I don't think either one of them has messed with anyone else since.

My Dad gave me my sense of adventure and humour. There wasn't anywhere that he felt that we couldn't go or experience. The South, both Coasts and Overseas - he made sure that his kids understood that this was OUR world too - and we had as much right to trash it as anyone else! He could cuss you under the table and make you want to be his best friend afterwards. He could charm, stall, and cajole you into doing anything his way - traits I'm proud to say that have, and as I get older they get better!

My Daddy was MY Daddy - when I got home, he was there. When I needed to share triumphs, tragedies (She had the SAME PROM DRESS ON), problems or just talk - he was right around the corner, across from the kitchen, in his easy chair, watching Roller Derby.

So, by the time I graduated from junior high, I was ready....worldly, confident, kick-ass ready!! Ready to take on high school, college, life - head on! I knew more at 14 that most people know at middle age. I will be the first to admit that I was - and still am- spoiled rotten, but as I look around at the state of families today, I don't regret how I was raised at all...

It saddens me that our young, beautiful, vibrant black girls are literally being thrown away...some never knowing how a father shapes you. Never knowing how it feels to be the apple of your daddy's eye, never feeling safe and protected against the Boogie-men, imagined and real. Never having that back up, that person that would knock that weight off of your shoulders when you both knew it was too much. Not knowing what it is to have a full time Daddy, not just someone that drops off money and takes you to the park for an hour on the weekends...when it's your turn.

From birth to around age eleven are important years for girls. The first man to hold her, tell her that she is beautiful and strong, to adore her, to make and keep promises to her - that should be Daddy....that's how girls grow into women that make good choices in love and life. She should be able to see a loving relationship between Mom and Dad. It's not enough to be there, fathers and mothers - you have to BE THERE....Legally, in body and spirit. Your little girls - our future Black Women - deserve that and more....

" I loooooove - Daddy!! My good ole sweet.....DADDY!!"

but tonite, I really don't give a sh*t.....

Hey all!!

Well this was supposed to be the grand opening of my new foray into blogging, but because of some bad chinese food (which I wasn't supposed to be eating anyways!), I am sidelined with gas from hell.

Ah well, later on down the line, maybe tomorrow, we will get back to the matter at hand, which is, Will I ever get these damn pounds completely off? and Why are folks so dumb? and Why is Life so Great? and Why does Life suck so bad???

Ok so before the Dulcolax takes effect, I'm signing off for now, but stay tuned and welcome all!!

Oh almost forgot - Join me and some really great Bloggers on Sept. 22nd for NO WEDDING, NO WOMB!! - details later....gotta really go!!